tonight, i went to this:

Awakenings: Zen Figure Painting in Medieval Japan

The United States’ first major international exhibition of its kind in more than three decades, Awakenings presents Japanese (Zen) and Chinese (Chan) Buddhist art, featuring a Japanese National Treasure and major cultural assets, and including rare loans from museum and private collections in Japan, North America, and Europe. Exploring the artistically singular yet still poorly understood tradition of figure painting in Zen Buddhist communities in medieval Japan, the exhibition features forty-seven superlative Chinese and Japanese works of painting, ranging from the 12th to 16th century.

with its dimly lit alcoves and mostly quiet atmosphere (three phones with three different rings went off in the span of the first fifteen minutes of my tour within the exhibit), the place was a shrine to an old, old time. i felt a deep sense of reverence, especially looking at the large painting of Guanin framed by the two poets, Tao Yuanming and Li Bai. i felt a happy calm, but at times, also, a sadness because the oldest paintings were all fading...as if they were giving a final nod to the buddhist mantra of transience and impermanence. at various turns, i felt you following and anticipated your reaction to these zen/chan paintings. i think you would have also stood in awe and even find yourself more attached to them than i did...however ironic that may sound. i also learned that in the name of detachment, one can only seek enlightenment without seeking it, or otherwise find themselves attached to the seeking of it. and so i tell you all the time - stop trying, just do.
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