i try not to:

(a tanka for n)

with forbidden sleep -
hitting the snooze button twice -
comes lucid dreaming

you keep questioning, “how can
something so wrong feel so right?”
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20070531:1223
y

i've never liked taking people to the airport. to me, it is prolonging the goodbye. it is easier to just help put the stuff in the trunk, wave, smile, wave again, turn around, go inside, and close the door once the vehicle drives away. it is more difficult when you're standing there alone, waving at someone as they walk away, then standing around, veering between watching and watching or walking away, mind still occupied with the goodbye because you're still within the confines of an airport.

then, there are exceptions. like letting you watch me walk away across the longest hall ever. and not turning around to respond when you said, "you have a long way to walk." i know.
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20070530:1220
y

going to a Volunteer Info Session tonight for the Housing Works Cafe Bookstore. waited two seasons to volunteer here. let's hope i get a spot this time.
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20070529:1718
y

score - another furniture acquisition victory for me. got an ikea expedit shelf, 4x4, on friday afternoon. today, i plan to work on the final transfer of piles of stuff into neatly standing stacks of books and other resources on my new, sexy shelves. but not, of course, without a sweet bbq break in between.
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20070527:0137
y

yesterday afternoon, i went to the Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum, Andrew Carnegie's old home, to see the exhibit, Design for the Other 90%. the juxtaposition between the "most modest, simple...home" (as Carnegie's request for his entire-block retirement mansion on fifth avenue) and the garden's third world country implementations -- not to mention similarly, between the gift shop and the exhibit -- was astoundingly ironic and repeatedly notable.

coinciding with PRI's The World: Technology, i saw the exact solar-paneled Portable Light offered to the nomadic Huichol people from Mexico’s Sierra Madre mountains. also caught a glimpse of the One Laptop Per Child project's green laptops with its tiny keys for tiny fingers. several more amazing things to see in the garden. if you're in the city, make a trip to the exhibit.
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20070525:2359
y

oftentimes, i think that i dread shopping for furniture type items because i am not good at haggling, and i have a tendency to say "yes" too quickly, too often, and then the sale is done, and my pockets are lighter than one point two minutes ago.
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20070525:1131
y

finally - futon delivered! so happy with it. in any case, justin was a great deliverer, for future reference. and now that i finally have a "couch," per se, i have to find a radio-flyer-number-18-classic-red-wagon-sized plexiglass for my coffee table (grin).
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20070524:1402
y

what's the difference between fear and apathy? and what is the difference between the decisions you don't want to make and the decisions you don't make?
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20070523:1512
y

soo tuned in to pri's The World: Technology on the whole of sunday, i dreamt in british. that is, all around me, people speaking with a british accent. last night, though, i dreamt trees and branches and vines and leaves and ropes. just finished Richard Preston's The Wild Trees half past midnight. and this is why you have to believe by now that i wasn't exaggerating when i said i have nightmares when i read Harry Potter.
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20070522:1453
y

yesterday, i first learned about the Israeli-chosen song for entry into the 2007 Eurovision song contest. unfortunately, i also heard that it has been banned from the competition. it's a very catchy tune, sung in English, Hebrew, and French by the popular Israeli rock group, Teapacks (Tipex). you can watch the video here or download the mp3 here. and here are the lyrics (and translations) for you to follow along. enjoy!
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20070520:1242
y

when i hear the word wanderlust, i see a ribboned bow, and i'm pulling the two dangling strings to unravel it.
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20070519:1119
y

for the first four weeks, i waited for a message like it was the very nectar of your soul. for the next two weeks, i rationalized that there were no time for a message in between all your running around. at the moment, my thoughts are trying to shut down, but i know that i'll still turn the key in my mailbox, expecting it to be...
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20070518:1338
y

was introduced to a fairly new music artist last night at the cutting room: Big D. i love great lyrics, and while he was singing, i was picturing the pages of words it'd take to make up just one song.

too bad he was followed by one of the worst lyricist i've ever heard, Gabrielle, not to mention bad music. she's got a great voice, but her formula seems to be a variety of cheesy stanzas to start followed by using the same cheesy last line over and over for perhaps half a dozen to a dozen times before fading away. yes, no kidding! no wonder there were only eight in the audience, a scattering of people who were finishing up their drinks from Big D's performance.

anyways, back to Don McCloskey - what an awesome performer. he packed the house, SRO - including me. and he played a brilliant mix of folk, rock, hiphop, rap, and country...his pianist, George Hazelrigg, was also brilliant, as were his drummer and others. but the pianist..wow! and the lyrics! anyways, check this video out.
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20070517:1013
y

arr..perhaps this will help change minds on global warming.
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20070516:1346
y

as i watched the 11th episode of bbc's planet earth, Ocean Deep - last one, first - i am struck by how all living beings basically divide their time between actively feeding or resting/hunting. with each attack of a school of prey, there are always casualties. it seems to be the luck of the draw whether you live that day or not. my first thoughts of the predator-prey events in the episode were, "wow, glad we are not subjected to the nonstop hunting/feeding/digesting life. there is so much violence." then, following right after was the one-word retort: war.

i am reminded of the human need for war. it seems that because we are no longer hunter/gatherers, because we are not fighting for our lives, because we do not get attacked by nature as an every-possible-second occurence, we have found something to replace the drama, replace the fear. accompanying the living is the need for imbalance - even if it were only so that we can seek our own, renewed balance. have we really evolved very much from our basic needs and functions if we, as a whole, haven't figured out peace? how much longer till peace evolves? and do we really want to live in an utopian society? every sketch of utopia has a group of heroic dissenters who do not want to. is that only because so far, every sketch of utopia has been created by men who have not sought harmony yet? or is utopia just a place for smiling zombies?

the damning thing is that in this century, we have the option to live peacefully, peppered interestingly - so that we don't become bored zombies - with natural disasters, disease, hunger, poverty, death, and their accompanying adversities. why haven't we taken advantage of the possibilities?
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20070508:1429
y

brushing up on my french, i find that it may be better if i don't do that while learning spanish at the same time:

you: "¿Cómo te llamas?"
me: "Je m'appelle...oh, shoot.."
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20070507:1325
y

sick again today. i wonder if it's to the point where i should worry. another antibiotic might do the trick. enjoying the tartanpodcast and mark hunter's soothing voice. go and give it a listen. cheers.
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200705051419
y

here is a thumbnail of me –
an architect of jigsaw
correspondence
running on a circuit of
oil lamps, swinging
with the spider in your boundless
bathtub, hammering with the fists
of tomorrow, waking
in a wee dewdrop –
all difficult to detect
if not downloaded
for the full view
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20070503:1227
y